i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
this must be what syphilis tastes like
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
