I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
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It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
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I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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