Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize