Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
