I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
