he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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