2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
