I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
