I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
