Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
