She said her name was "party"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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