Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
