If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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