i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize