I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
