I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
it's not cheating when I paid for it
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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