roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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