so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
