some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
