Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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