I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
