Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
