Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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