If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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