Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
