My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We're too hungover to prance.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
