So drunk its hurt
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
