Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I looked at my own cervix.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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