Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
