im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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