I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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