Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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