I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
