They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
