Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
