you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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