this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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