I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
