fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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