The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
