you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
