hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
