i'm signing you up for texting rehab
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
