I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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