My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
