Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
