plz talk dirty to me
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
