that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
