That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
