Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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