Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
