my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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