and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
