dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
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i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
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We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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