Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I want a musical about memes.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
