He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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