Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
