Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
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He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
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I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
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