He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
