And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
