If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
