You're my little dorito
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
