There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
