i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
