i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
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Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
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The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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