i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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