I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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