oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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