my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
